I had 2 dreams …

I had 2 dreams last night that were so real that when I woke up I had the hardest time believing they weren’t.

I recently read this book called The Fault In Our Stars and it’s had me thinking about death a lot. But not in a depressing way, in an “appreciate what you’ve got because you never know when it’ll be gone” kinda way.

Ever since I read it I’ve been kinda sentimental with my friends. Lots of “I love yous” and telling them all the things I appreciate about them. I’ve been realizing that with people growing up and moving and all that, you never really know when things are about to change and how long someone will be around you.

Also, I think The Fault In Our Stars is my new favorite book.

This week was exhausting but amazing.

Pre-summer reflections.

Every year around this time I start doing a lot of reflecting… mainly because my birthday is in June and I can’t help but to think about what was going on in my life around my last birthday.

*Note – I’m one of the only people I know who thinks their birthday is a huge deal and starts getting excited months before. I enjoy having a day (week) that’s all about me, okay??*

From the beginning of last summer to now, a lot of really bizarre stuff has happened. I legitimately think the past year has included both the highest AND lowest points in my whole life. One of my (many, many) flaws is that I’m overly emotional. Not in a cry-in-sad-movies kinda way, but in a way where I just… feel too much. When I’m happy, I don’t have a care in the world and I’m inspired and ready to take on any obstacle. But when I’m down, I’m 100% worthless and completely positive that no one cares to understand what I’m dealing with. I’ve written about it on here before (multiple times probably) because it’s something I’ve struggled with for a long time. It’s really hard not being able to have that balance because it makes me go from 0-60 sometimes and that’s not fun for me or anyone around me. (I also think I have a particular kind of anxiety and I know where it stems from, but that’s a WHOLE other post.”

HOWEVER. I have definitely improved on this within the last year. Sometimes when something sets me off, I just have to take a step back and remind myself to not take my frustration out on people who don’t deserve it.

And along with that, another thing I’ve become better at is letting things go. There are a lot of people in my life who I feel a little bit of resentment toward for one reason or another and honestly… most of it just IS. NOT. IMPORTANT. I’m friends with the people I’m friends with because they are good people and we want to be part of each other’s lives. To sit around and pretend that the negative stuff we’ve gone through outweighs the good is just ridiculous, really. I’m constantly trying to make sure that the people I surround myself with are people that WANT to be in my life.

With that being said, this is an excerpt from the thing I posted on here last time I blogged:

stop spending time with the wrong people. – life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. if someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. you shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. and remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.

This is just… everything I have ever wanted to say/hear.

I have to admit. Every now and then I somehow find myself being friends with someone who just does not deserve to be part of my life. But everything that passage says is what I remind myself of when I find myself in that position. Why would I waste my time hanging out with someone who isn’t there for me when I really need them? It’s crazy and it honestly kind of embarrasses me that I would even let someone like that be friends with me.

But… you know. Life is about growth. I’m always at least trying to learn from my mistakes and I constantly thank the Lord for all the blessings I have. Blessings that come in the form of people, blessings like having a roof over my head, and a million other things. I think sometimes people (myself included, obviously) get so caught up in what’s wrong with their lives that they forget to take a second and realize how ridiculously lucky they are.

So as I go into these next few weeks and as I approach the age of 24, I am going to try with every fiber of my being to appreciate. Appreciate, forgive, breathe, and enjoy.

 

I didn’t write this, but I love it.

thirty things to stop doing to yourself: as maria robinson once said, “nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” nothing could be closer to the truth. but before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back. here are some ideas to get you started:

1. stop spending time with the wrong people. – life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. if someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. you shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. and remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. stop running from your problems. – face them head on. no, it won’t be easy. there is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. we aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. that’s not how we’re made. in fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. this is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. stop lying to yourself. – you can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.
4. stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – the most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. yes, help others; but help yourself too. if there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. stop trying to be someone you’re not. – one of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. don’t change so people will like you. be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. stop trying to hold onto the past. – you can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. stop being scared to make a mistake. – doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. you end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – we may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. we all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. but you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. stop trying to buy happiness. – many of the things we desire are expensive. but the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – if you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. you have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.
11. stop being idle. – don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. evaluate situations and take decisive action. you cannot change what you refuse to confront. making progress involves risk. period! you can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. stop thinking you’re not ready. – nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – relationships must be chosen wisely. it’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. there’s no need to rush. if something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – in life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. but most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. stop trying to compete against everyone else. – don’t worry about what others doing better than you. concentrate on beating your own records every day. success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. stop being jealous of others. – jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. ask yourself this: “what’s something i have that everyone wants?”
17. stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. you may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. but reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. you’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. so smile! let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18. stop holding grudges. – don’t live your life with hate in your heart. you will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. forgiveness is not saying, “what you did to me is okay.” it is saying, “i’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! and remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. if you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. stop letting others bring you down to their level. – refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – the time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. if you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. the best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23. stop trying to make things perfect. – the real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.
24. stop following the path of least resistance. – life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. don’t take the easy way out. do something extraordinary.
25. stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – it’s okay to fall apart for a little while. you don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. you shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. the sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26. stop blaming others for your troubles. – the extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. when you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
27. stop trying to be everything to everyone. – doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. but making one person smile CAN change the world. maybe not the whole world, but their world. so narrow your focus.
28. stop worrying so much. – worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. one way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “will this matter in one year’s time? three years? five years?” if not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – focus on what you do want to happen. positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. if you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30. stop being ungrateful. – no matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

I was going to write a post about eating healthier lately and whatnot… but I think this accurately represents everything I was going to say.

Singles Awareness Day.

I’m usually at least SORT OF into Valentine’s Day, but this year I’m 100% the single girl who gets annoyed by it all.

I’ve never loved Valentine’s Day, but I’ve always liked it. I love hearts and pretty colors and sweets and that’s what you see everywhere this time of year. And I’m always so excited to make little treats for my friends or get them cute gifts. But there’s something different about this year. This time, the entire holiday just kind of makes me sad. Maybe this is just what happens as you get older? You become more cynical about these things?

All I know is that I WANT IT TO BE OVER.

I remember being in middle school and seeing girls walking around on Valentine’s Day with flowers and teddy bears and boxes of candy and thinking “I can’t wait until I’m older and that’s me.” And I’m now I’m older and not one single thing has changed. And… it’s frustrating.